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Vulnerability & Human Connection: How Vulnerability changes connection

Vulnerability: Why it’s so important to share things that move you on a deep level

How we think about vulnerability is able to revolutionize the way we live and love, how we shape our relationships with people around us – with family, friends and romantic partners.

What we know is that connection – the ability to feel connected – is it’s why we’re here. We‘re naturally driven to feel connection, we seek connection with other people.

How is connection build up, how is it working and what is it between people when they say they feel connected to each other?

What turned out to be the counterpart of connection is shame. Shame is understood as the fear of disconnection: „Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection?“

„I’m not good enough.“ We all know that feeling in different variations: „I’m not educated enough, not thin enough, not beautiful enough, not lovable enough.“ In this case, we feel terribly vulnerable. No one wants to talk about it. But the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

„Shame is universal. We all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.“ – Brene Brown

Emotion Reflection and Emotion Regulation

In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.

This can happen when we reflect on what we feel and regulate our emotions. Not by shutting them down but to let them flourish and bring them into communication with people we care about.

You see a tremendous difference between people who have a sense of worthiness, love and belonging and people who struggle with it.

The variable that separate people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who struggle with it is that people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it!

„What keeps us out of connection is the fear that we’re not worthy of connection.“ – Brene Brown

These people have a sense of courage: They have the courage to be imperfect. They have the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others; because we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And as a result of authenticity, they are willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they are. And these things are crucial for connection.

Those people embrace their vulnerability. They have the willingness to say „I love you“ first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees and the willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

They think it’s necessary.

„Vulnerability is not only the core of shame, fear and struggle for worthiness, but it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love.“ – Brene Brown

Why a lot of people struggle with showing vulnerable?

Now we know that dare to be vulnerable and sharing your vulnerability with others is crucial for building up and having connection with other people, why is it that a lot of people struggle with it?

In contrast to vulnerability, there is the need to be in control of the things around us. Fear makes us want to predict things, to control situations and relationships.

Sometimes we want to provoke certain results with people by behaving in certain ways, closing down to the person and to ourselves. And sometimes we behave in the way we think other people cold like, instead of showing or real feelings and or real self.

Often we want to make things that are uncertain certain. „I’m right, you’re wrong. Shut up.“ That’s it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. Then, there’s no real discourse, no conversation. Just blame. Blame is described as a way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect, but it doesn’t work.

We numb vulnerability – when we’re having to ask others for help, when we’re getting rejected, when asking someone out, waiting for someone to call back. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

But we can’t selectively numb emotions.

You can’t say, here’s vulnerability, shame, fear, and disappointment. I don’t want to feel all these. You can’t numb hard feelings without numbing other emotions. So when we numb hard feelings, we also numb joy, gratitude and happiness.

The way is to let ourselves be seen, to love even though there’s no guarantee, to practice gratitude in those moments where we’re wondering, „Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this?“. And the most important is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place that says, „I’m enough“ then we start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and to ourselves.

„I’m grateful because to feel vulnerable means I’m alive.“

Like many of us, I’ve had several relationships with other human beings in my life, and although they’ve been varied, my first romantic relationship set the foundation for all of them. Big heartbreak. I was a total mess at this time.

I began to cover my soul, layer by layer, like a lot of the people, do after a big heartbreak, big failures or losses in their personal life. In relationships with other people, there’s love, friendship, protection, but there could be also jealousy, competition, rejection and attack.

As we grow, a lot of things happen to us that make us want to hide the way we feel and how we are – especially when we scared to get rejected or not getting the response we want from other people. We do this as we grow up to fit into the family, to conform to the culture, the community, the gender and to people we love.

Non-Communication: A place for false Interpretation and assumptions

If you don’t communicate we can make up a lot in our minds about other people: We have assumptions about their behavior, what there said last time and spend all or energy in interpreting how the other person could mean certain things.

We only can make that many assumptions, interpretations, and prejudices in or heads, because we don’t ask the other person, how they could mean it. We don’t ask them to tell their reasons. We only make up stories in our minds. The other person had probably done the same thing. And then we wonder what keeps us separate.

Communication also means to make us emotionally naked to some point – even if it‘s hard. And it can be pretty hard to open p to someone. But if we manage to stay open, even when things are painful or difficult, e.g. when we have minor misunderstandings and bigger betrayals, there is potential to connect on a deeper level with this person. Dissolving conflicts can deepen the relationship on an even higher level, because it means we showing vulnerable to each other, getting to know each other better and often release pressure when saying things we always wanted to say.

If you fight against that pain, you just create more pain, and you block what wants to be renewed and healed. Pain is always asking to get healed. When difficult or painful things happen to me in my life, I remember me to open up to what’s scary and painful, instead of resisting it. Ask the pain what it’s come to deliver and something new wants to be born.

Sometimes we‘re hesitating to tell our truths, to reveal our wounds, to admit our wrongdoings. We‘re scared of doing so. Sometimes we even rejecting or attacking each other, instead of listening to each other, facing the pain we had caused each other, looking at stories and assumptions about each other and release them.

It means getting emotionally naked with another human being, putting aside pride and defensiveness, lifting the layers and sharing with each other our vulnerable selfs. It means saying things we‘d always needed to say, becoming braver about being authentic with others, saying or truths and searching and opening for the truth of others.

„How making us emotionally naked made us more ourselves by connecting with each other, and how by opening to the pain of our past, we’d finally been delivered to each other.“ – Elizabeth Lesser

You don’t have to wait for a escalated situations to clean up the relationships. We can be the first responder, the one to take the first step to be truthful to each other – with our family, friends, our partner, people we love, those who are important to us and those we care about.

Things To Look For Inside A Pc

Computer is a household machine that is use by many people because of personal or corporate purposes, the arrival of the machine along with the growth and development of the web helps make the existence of numerous people simpler and much more convenient, with this particular reason, many people want to own one. But computer isn’t that cheap and to get the very best you should know several things which supports you pick a qualified type of computer.

The very first factor you have to decide when you wish to buy a pc is how would you like to utilize it? If it’s for use at home, then you’ll have a simple computer with simple specs but if you wish to use for business and you have to store lots of data you will want a greater finish one.

It’s also wise to settle if you’d like to possess a brand new one or refurbished one. If you’re in a budget purchasing a refurbished pc can help you save lots of money. This kind of computers are individuals who’ve been came back to the organization or continues to be labeled with a few defects, fixed and offered again bit less completely new. When you purchase this kind of computer you have to completely inspect the device. Although it’s kind of costly, when you purchase a brand new computer you are able to really make sure that its part is totally new but you cant ever make sure that it’s no defect. Always request a warranty when you purchase this bit of machine.

The following factor you have to discover id the physical options that come with the pc. Would you like to possess a desktop casing that’s slim or can you like the traditional one? The area inside your room in which you will place your pc is going to be one thing you need to consider. If you’d like to look at moves and burn some CD, then you need to locate a computer with a DVD author along with a CD burner, this won’t be difficult because there are a large amount of this sort on the market today. The hard disk must have an adequate space that you should store all of your files. The storage device, video card and make of cthe computer will also be a few of the things that you have to consider when you wish for the greatest machine that will meet your needs.

Construction Progress Estimates Establishing A Cost Control System

It is seldom that the original bid estimate to perform a particular construction activity is the same as the actual cost to do the work. It will always be higher or lower because of any number of unforeseeable factors. It is essential, therefore, if a contractor is to make a profit, to keep current on a projectís cost by maintaining a reliable cost control system.

Changes in labor wages or productivity, labor shortages, increased cost of materials, delays in deliveries, accidents, weather conditions, etc., will affect both the cost and the original schedule. In all likelihood, both the cost and time will be greater than planned, scheduled, and estimated. Bar charts or Critical Path Method (CPM) planning systems are ideal for project control by timely updating. Maintaining a cost control system enables the contractor to analyze the productivity of workers, the performance and efficiency of equipment, and the proper allocation of overhead expenses.

Traditional bar charts show the activities of work and a calendar covering the start and estimated completion dates of a project. Bar charts have been used for many years in scheduling construction, but are limited in clearly showing the relationship between activities.

The Critical Path Method (CPM) is a more advanced system for planning and scheduling than using bar charts. It graphically shows each activity and its interrelationship from start to completion with other activities. The CPM also shows the status of a project at any time.

Another major component in a project cost control system is an identifying set of cost codes for the many items of work that comprise a job. The Uniform System for Construction Specifications, published by the CSI serves as an ideal cost code system for both bidding and accounting purposes.

Cost control accounting and progress estimating are also necessary functions in project cost control. In addition to bookkeeping, including the recording of accounts receivable, accounts payable, payroll, taxes, and other financial accounts, progress estimating also requires the appointment of a responsible superintendent, regular job meetings to discuss problems and solutions, the determination of work quantities produced, a continuous analysis of project costs, and the filing of meaningful daily and weekly progress reports.

Job meeting reports allow for the documentation of daily activities of the work force, number of workers in each trade on the job, scope and quantity of work produced, recording of delays along with reasons why, materials and equipment deliveries including shortages, substitutions, or failures, and the recording of decisions made at the meetings or instructions received.

A reliable cost control system allows for changes as a project progresses. If construction costs are running higher than the bid estimate, or are different than scheduled, corrections can be made while the project is still in progress, therefore increasing the chances that a project will be financially successful.

Your Cool – Tips for Cooling Your Home During the Summer Months

With summer upon us we all face the same challenge of keeping our homes at a bearable temperature. Of course we can crank up the air conditioner and maintain a chilly living space; however, with rising energy costs and our increased awareness of environmental concerns, there needs to be a better way. Fortunately, there are some great ways of keeping cool without breaking the bank or harming the environment.

A great place to start when trying to keep cool on the inside is on the outside. Stopping the heat before it gets in your house can be simple and very effective. The color of the house is important as dark, dull finishes absorb heat which in turn radiates into the home. Choosing light colored, reflective exterior finishes result in cooler indoor temps and also reduces maintenance costs due to wear on siding and roofing materials.

Landscaping can also play an important role in keeping your house cool. Strategically placed trees and plants can block the sun’s rays from hitting walls, windows and roofs, and also make your home look better. In regions with distinct seasons a leafy tree serves 2 purposes; keeping the sun out in the summer and letting it in during the winter.

Having a hot weather strategy within your home can reduce energy costs and improve comfort levels. Keeping blinds or curtains closed during the day, especially on the sides of the home where the sun is beaming in will keep the temperature down considerably. Making sure the windows are closed during the heat of the day also makes the home more livable. Only open the windows once the outside temperature has dropped below inside levels. Ceiling fans and/or portable fans will keep the air circulating and use far less energy than air conditioners.

Choosing when you run certain appliances, such as clothes dryers and dishwashers, will make a big difference as well. Turning them on just before you leave in the morning will ensure you avoid the heat they put out. You will also want to reduce the amount that you use your oven and stove top; which translates into more outdoor grilling! Instead of reaching for that air conditioner switch, why not take a cold shower or have a soak in a cool tub. Filling the bath tub with cold water before you turn in for the night will help keep overnight temperatures down too.

All of these tips will help you keep cool, save you money, and allow you to do your part for the environment. So, leave the AC off for a few days and try these cooling tricks; you will be surprised at how well they work…Enjoy your summer!!!

How To Discover A Good Iphone Fixing Company

There are a lot of auckland iphone fixing services for cell phone, tablet computers and other computerized tools. If your smartphone is still under warranty then it is most effectively to bring it to a licensed Apple shop to have it repaired. When you want to discover out the number of an authorized Apple assistance center in your region then get to apple.com online site. You can go in your place name and even postal code in the search box and it will list out each the assistance centers or retail outlets around you. Nevertheless, if your iPhone is experiencing challenges which are not taken care of under service contract or if the warranty duration has lapsed, you may consider getting it restored at any reliable maintenance and iphone fixing shop, even those which are not linked with Apple by any means.

However, you need to be a little careful in making a choice an ideal facility. You really should take a look at its trustworthiness to determine how efficient they are. Try to find out things like from how long are these people offering repairing support services, what is the feedback of previous customers, can you get any negative comments or evaluations of this service center, and so forth. You might not like to turn over your valuable iPhone equipment in the controls of inexperienced or unfit individuals.

Similar to any sophisticated digital product, iPhones too are vulnerable to getting damaged or getting some issue or the other from time to time. Such can extend from software problems to hardware issues. If your smartphone has any this type of complication, next you ought to get it inspected out as soon as possible. Keep in mind the saying, “A stitch in time saves nine”.

A lot of Auckland iphone fixing service centers grant a 30 day or a lot longer duration of manufacturer’s warranty on repair services. It indicates that if you receive your telephone serviced at these shops, you are covered up under extended warranty for a few days. If you experience the similar trouble during that time, take it back to the facility to get it restored free of cost. For a lot of equipment complications, you might must replace the wrecked component of your phone.

Questions You Should Ask Before Buying an Investment Property

In the world of real estate investing, the things that can go wrong are innumerable. While no investor can predict the future and save himself from all loss, asking questions and doing research can offer a great deal of protection. Asking the right questions is particularly important during the pre-purchase phase of any real estate investment. It is during this phase that investors need to ask the right questions in order to avoid purchasing a property that will bring them nothing but sorrow.

The first thing that you should be concerned with regarding any investment property is its marketability. In other words, are you going to be able to sell it? In many cases, the best source for this type of information is your real estate agent. Your agent will be familiar with the housing market in the area of the property and may even know past details concerning the property itself. Some details that might help you determine how well a property will sell include how desirable the community is to consumers; how quickly other homes in the area are selling; how quickly the home has sold in the past; and how long the house has remained on the market looking for a buyer.

The next consideration regarding any investment property is how much profit it could bring. While profit is not guaranteed in real estate investing, you can increase your residual income by purchasing a property that has the highest potential for profit. Questions to ask your agent include how much below resale value is the home priced; how much could the property be worth after renovations; and are other homes in the area appreciating or depreciating in value.

You may also want to ask your real estate agent about financing options open to you as an investor as these may differ from options available to those wishing to purchase a property as a primary residence. Tax laws are another great topic of discussion for those wishing to make an investment in real estate.

Other questions that you may want to consider are those that would be asked by any ordinary consumer looking to buy a property. These questions are property specific and involve the condition of the property. You should always know what repairs need to be done on the property and what mechanics are in working order and which ones are not. Boundary disputes and health issues are often disclosed to buyers before purchase. If they are not, you should ask for the information rather than assume that everything is fine.

Doing the necessary homework before a property purchase is vital for being successful in real estate investing. Ask any investor and he will tell you that most failed investments can be avoided if the right questions are asked.